last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
