Having a random hookup so left but love u
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
