These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
