i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
