wanna go halves on a baby?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
