I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
