i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
