My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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