She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know her cup size but not her name....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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