Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everclear isn't food dammit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
