Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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