Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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