I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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