6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
