Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
