Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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