Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
