Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
