yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
