How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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