Tell her she can't have a vagina
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
