my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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