Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A bitchslap is in order.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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