Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The Olympian is in my bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
