conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
