you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
