So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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