hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
