So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
