Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
