I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
