Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he thought i was a dude.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
