Just mADE A PArabola og urine
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
