also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
cat food counts as protein by the way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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