my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My vagina is very pro this idea
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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