They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love having hate sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
