I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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