Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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