he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
