I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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