is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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