She is in my trunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
