Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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