why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
