I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
