I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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