ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
too bad you live with your parents still
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
