would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
