we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
