What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
