he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
