So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
