i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
