hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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