I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
