i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
