I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
