I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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