Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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