Plan B is the new Plan A
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
