Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
