i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
