her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
