I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
